My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
~ Buddy Hackett
A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license.
After looking it over, he said to her, “Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses.”
“Well, I have contacts,” the woman replied.
“Look lady, I don’t care who you know,” snapped the officer. “You’re getting a ticket.”.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
~ George Carlin
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner.”
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked,
“Well, how did I do?”
Pretty good, ” replied the veteran, “especially since this was a bus stop.”