Valleys and Peaks

Life is filled with ups and downs. Sometimes we have our A game and other times we are just watching it downpour. This is not unusual and does not have any meaning behind it. Things happen in cycles, after dark comes the lights and then again comes the darkness.

In our lives things seem to peak only to fall into valleys. We cannot change this but we can shorten the valleys and lengthen the peaks using the following steps:

  1. First acknowledge that this is a normal cycle. This phase is temporary. Remember this whether you are currently on your peak or in your valley. This will eliminate any need for stress. Everyone goes through it. Did you ever have a perfect relationship or a perfect job? Most probably not. Sometimes our partners can be the best and sometimes they are the worst. This is a fact. Know this and move on.
  2. Lengthen your time on the peaks:  Is everything going as planned? Many good news every day? Getting what you wanted? Life seems amazing and it really is. Don’t take it for granted. Count your blessings, start a gratitude journal. Create habits that are not limited to good times. E.g., you must exercise regularly even if today you feel good, eat healthier even though you just lost a lot of weight and can afford to devour. Share your happiness with someone, volunteer at a shelter, sing a song to your puppy, read books that inspire you, visualize your dreams, donate to a charity, refer someone to a good job. Keep the flow of goodness going.
  3. Shorten your time in the valleys: Does the life seem unfair? Too many bad things happening at the same time? Didn’t happen what you wanted? List is endless. Only way to cut it is to literally cut it. Don’t ignore the current situation but continue to look at it as a normal phase. Remember, this too shall pass. Even if things are not as you want, continue to keep your habits from your peaks. E.g. exercise regularly, mediate often, write in your gratitude journal, thank someone, volunteer when possible, make someone else’s day, read books that inspire you. There is no need to get stressed even if things are not going as you expect them to. You cannot control the outcomes of processes, you can only add in the inputs of your hard work.

Instead of feeling invincible when we are on top and feeling depressed when we are at the bottom, let’s accept this cycle of life without wasting our time. Make your mistakes and pick yourself up. See my article on how to improve yourself without criticism here: https://everymomentmatters.blog/2020/05/14/one-way-to-improve-life-dramatically-and-quickly/

Taking things personally

When people talk negative about us or look down at us, it is hard not to take it personally. But what exactly are we taking personally? It is other people’s opinions and feelings. The hurtful feelings are not ours. We are taking on unnecessary burden.

When people are behaving negatively, their behavior says a lot about them and NEVER about you.

Their opinion about you or your behavior comes from their upbringings or thoughts; it has NOTHING to do with you or your behavior.

Therefore, do not take anything personally. They don’t know you the way you know yourself. Perhaps you made mistakes but you are not a mistake. Your mistakes don’t represent you. You are whole regardless of your behavior.

If we hate people who hate us, then we are reflecting on their behavior, not their true self. If we forgive those who hurt us, we are reflecting on their true self. And since we are all one source, forgiveness means being true to ourselves.

It is easier to forgive than you think. We all have said bad things about others, either to hurt them or gain approval from others. If you can forgive yourself, you can forgive those who have done the same thing.

So next time someone says something hurtful, remember to repeat, “It is not about me, it is about them. I forgive.” 🙂