Valleys and Peaks

Life is filled with ups and downs. Sometimes we have our A game and other times we are just watching it downpour. This is not unusual and does not have any meaning behind it. Things happen in cycles, after dark comes the lights and then again comes the darkness.

In our lives things seem to peak only to fall into valleys. We cannot change this but we can shorten the valleys and lengthen the peaks using the following steps:

  1. First acknowledge that this is a normal cycle. This phase is temporary. Remember this whether you are currently on your peak or in your valley. This will eliminate any need for stress. Everyone goes through it. Did you ever have a perfect relationship or a perfect job? Most probably not. Sometimes our partners can be the best and sometimes they are the worst. This is a fact. Know this and move on.
  2. Lengthen your time on the peaks:  Is everything going as planned? Many good news every day? Getting what you wanted? Life seems amazing and it really is. Don’t take it for granted. Count your blessings, start a gratitude journal. Create habits that are not limited to good times. E.g., you must exercise regularly even if today you feel good, eat healthier even though you just lost a lot of weight and can afford to devour. Share your happiness with someone, volunteer at a shelter, sing a song to your puppy, read books that inspire you, visualize your dreams, donate to a charity, refer someone to a good job. Keep the flow of goodness going.
  3. Shorten your time in the valleys: Does the life seem unfair? Too many bad things happening at the same time? Didn’t happen what you wanted? List is endless. Only way to cut it is to literally cut it. Don’t ignore the current situation but continue to look at it as a normal phase. Remember, this too shall pass. Even if things are not as you want, continue to keep your habits from your peaks. E.g. exercise regularly, mediate often, write in your gratitude journal, thank someone, volunteer when possible, make someone else’s day, read books that inspire you. There is no need to get stressed even if things are not going as you expect them to. You cannot control the outcomes of processes, you can only add in the inputs of your hard work.

Instead of feeling invincible when we are on top and feeling depressed when we are at the bottom, let’s accept this cycle of life without wasting our time. Make your mistakes and pick yourself up. See my article on how to improve yourself without criticism here: https://everymomentmatters.blog/2020/05/14/one-way-to-improve-life-dramatically-and-quickly/

Do it Anway

The hardest thing to do is to begin. We often plan things in our mind but rarely take actions. We are too consumed in daily lives of what is than what can be.

Can it be because we are lazy?

No, we are not lazy. We wake up every day even when we don’t feel like it, dress ourselves and our kids, go to work or school and come back home. By no means that can be called lazy.

I believe that real reason that we do not take actions is that deep within us lies fear. This fear stops us from doing something new or unusual because it might be scary. We feel safer where we are because at least we are familiar with the feelings.

There are two types of fear. Fear of failure and fear of success.

Fear of failure: This is a learned fear. I believe that fear of failure is learned through our parents. It is hard for adults to learn swimming because adults are more fearful of unknown situations compare to children, who are always eager to try new things.

As we grow older, we observe our parents or surrounding adults talking about failure in negative way and assume that this is a legit fear. If adults surrounding us did not respond to their failure positively we learned that it is bad to fail. Failing is not bad. Never trying is bad. Never taking a risk is bad.

When we do something we are bound to make mistakes. But taking no action is the worst mistake. We are bound to miss 100% of the chances we never we take.

Fear of success: Fear of success protects us from being in limelight. It is uneasy for many people to even receive a compliment. They are afraid that by being the focus they are attracting unwanted attention from enemies (due to our evolution process- lion eats the person who is in the front not the ones in group).

It is not easy to get rid of any of the fear and you shouldn’t. As I said, fear is here to protect us, it guides us. That feeling you get when you know you need to run away from danger is fear. It is only trying to protect you. It’s not only good thing, it is an amazing thing.

Every time we encounter fear before taking an action, we need to convince ourselves that there is no danger in doing it. E.g. at first you might be afraid to swim but under a trained instructor you can convince yourself that nothing bad can happen to you, you will always be protected by your instructor. If protection is taken care by instructor, fear can rest and you can finally take the first step in a swimming pool.

No matter how scared you feel to do something, do it anyway. People who succeed feel the same fear but they take actions anyway.

Taking the first step might be harder but once you get started you know your journey will end one day. You might fail but you might as well succeed.

No matter the outcome, taking the first step is already a victory.

Failure is only an illusion, with every failure there is one less attempt to try.

Success is also an illusion. Success is not just an award in a ceremony; it is the satisfaction you feel in your heart knowing that you had enough courage to go beyond your fears. You untangled the web of fear and through it you made a quantum leap into the web of actions.

Every action has a reaction; it is only matter of time when your seed will grow the first root. Remember root is within soil, you cannot see it until first sprout comes out but you know that it is there. Have patience.

Never ever stop taking actions because every time you start something you have changed this world just a bit.